there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
