i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize