I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
