Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
