Whats the glycemic index on semen?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
