and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
