my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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