He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
