great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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