My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize