Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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