i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you would pick up someone in the library
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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