I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
