I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
