Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
