would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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