her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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