I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
