i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
