you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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