The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
