hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
