first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
