what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
