Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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