I am in a vortex of obligation.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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