HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
