cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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