Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize