she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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