You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
