she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
