help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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