We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize