i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
