i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
