strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
