ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
