FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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