I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
