Sry I called you an 8
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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