Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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