Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize