Are we in a gay sports bar?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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