He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
