We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
