What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
