Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
