o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize