just tell him i said nine months
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
whose parrot is this?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
