Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i will never coherently bang her
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
