i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Randomize
