I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
