I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
