do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
