How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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