When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
