dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
