A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
