look no pants
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
