I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
