If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize