You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
