If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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