She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
