well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
