This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
