i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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