omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
