sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
