somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
