my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize