Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
