all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
