weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
