Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
