I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
