I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
