I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
that is very illegal...i love you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
