i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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