she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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