i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
