just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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