i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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